I Told You So

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45

 Do you ever look back on something you did or said and just cringe?!  How did you ever think that was a good idea?  Why on earth would you ever justify doing that?  How could you talk to someone that way?  Unfortunately, I’ve had many of those moments...insert foot in mouth.

A few years ago, I used a phrase that rarely brings good things—“I told you so.”  During a large event, a co-worker (not to mention a dear friend) of mine was extremely stressed.  We had discussed an issue about the event, but she had decided not to take my advice—which is fine.  Unfortunately, the night of the event, she panicked about the very issue we had discussed and came to tell me about it.  What an incredible moment for me to have comforted her, consoled her, helped her, done anything for her.  A moment that someone needed encouragement, validation, a hug.  But being stressed out with my own responsibilities, I simply said “I hate to say it, but I told you so.”

Ugh.  My cheeks still flush hot with shame when I think about that.  What a snarky, smart-aleck, insensitive comment.  What a misrepresentation of my heart, and God’s heart.  My dear friend simply looked at me and walked away distressed.

Of course the event went great that night.  But I didn’t enjoy any of it.  I felt so embarrassed and ashamed and guilty that I would belittle someone I love and show such poor leadership and insensitivity.  After the event, I asked if she would forgive me.

The power of words is so profound.  Rarely do our words have a neutral effect on someone.  Unless you say “I told you so—I TOLD you that you were going to be great!”  “I told you, you could do it!”  “I told you, you are so capable!”, don’t ever use that destructive phrase the way that I did.  It is so unhelpful, so unnecessary.  I wish I had that moment again so I could say, “How can I help?  It will be great!  Don’t worry!  Let’s figure it out together.”  Our words can positively or negatively affect people, and I want to choose to build people up with my words.  I want to be a Barnabus…his name means “Son of Encouragement.”  I love that!

I’m grateful for the grace and forgiveness my friend showed me, and for the opportunity, although it was a hard lesson, to learn just how powerful words can be.

Use them wisely…

Dumb Wedding Traditions

“How’s the wedding planning going?”

This is the #1 question I have been asked this year.  And it’s hard to succinctly answer.  I mean, my Pinterest boards are awesome.  My dress is perfect.  And my soon-to-be husband is the greatest.  So, overall things are going awesome. 

If we’re talking details, I don’t have anything borrowed, blue, or old.  I don’t know to what degree of transparency I want that little sheet of paper over the invitations to be.  And I really don’t know how I should get my nails done—acrylics?  Gel?  French?  Glitter on my ring finger—too trendy?

One great thing about getting married when you’re thirty is that you have a pretty good idea of what you like and what you don’t like.  I went to a lot of weddings in my twenties, and it’s impossible not to take mental notes of what you want your own day to be like…or what you don’t want it to be like.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I like weddings.  I like dresses and flowers.  I really like cake.  But in the process of planning my own wedding, some traditional wedding customs have come under serious scrutiny.  Tradition cannot be the sole reason to do something, in my opinion.

First, let’s talk about garters.  I can’t think of a less comfortable (or flattering) place for a piece of elastic to go on my body.  Nor do I want it to be thrown to a wolf pack of guys, where it will inevitably be flung around as a sling shot.

Second, wedding favors.  Let me ask you a question, because I’m still torn on this one—do you currently own or even remember any favor from any wedding you have ever been to?  I don’t.  Weddings aren’t like vacations where you need to go home with a souvenir.  Take an Instagram photo and call it a day, right?  I like the idea of something cutesy to pretty up the table…but I’m not sold on anything.

Third, apparently the bride and groom are supposed to give each other gifts before the wedding.  Isn’t marrying me enough?  (Kidding.)  We get new rings, pretty flowers, dress up like we’re fancy royals for a day, and then get to go on vacation together for a week.  Ain’t nobody got time to remember to buy presents on top of all that!

And lastly, smashing cake in each other’s faces.  How did this ever become a thing?  I have already warned Nathan that if he smashes cake in my face on our wedding day, I will not be a happy girl.  I’m spending half a day getting my hair and makeup done and wearing a fancy dress…you better be sure that nary a CRUMB is going to end up on me.

I wouldn’t exactly call myself a non-traditionalist.  Actually, I’m really into holiday and family traditions.  Sometimes it’s good to question things, though, and I’m excited to see how our wedding will reflect our own values.  But give me some ideas—what are your wedding non-negotionables?

Get Your Life Together! Make Your Bed!

 

The other day I was in a cleaning mood.  Does that ever happen to you?  Sometimes—and this does not happen often, just to clarify—I just want to clean everything…some cleaning fiend takes over my body and before I know it, I’ve scrubbed my whole bathroom, cleaned my room, taken out the trash, done three loads of laundry, and gone through my giant pile of old mail.  It’s awesome.  The last time this happened, I actually made my bed, too.  And I liked it so much, I made it again the next day, and the next. 

Confession:  I never make my bed.  Like, ever.  What’s the point, right?  But I've been making my bed for about a week now, and I love coming home to a neat little made-up bed so much that I can’t wait to make it every morning knowing how satisfied it makes me.  I feel like I have my life a little bit more together.  This sounds ridiculous, right?  Well, I actually looked this up to see if the habit of making one’s bed was correlated to happiness or something—some sort of psychological phenomenon—and what do you know, it is!

According to one study, making your bed every day can help you be a more productive person; it even suggests that it can make you a happier person!  Making your bed is known as a keystone habit, a habit that promotes other good habits, like flossing, sticking to a budget, etc.

After a few days of making my bed, I can tell you I’ve been a smidge more productive (and have therefore had some more free time), kept my room neat, and been more organized.  Plus, my room feels more comfortable and relaxing at the end of the day.  All of those things make me happy…so yeah, maybe I am happier now that I make my bed!

Make your bed and see what positive habits it cultivates!

Read and Lead

In a class during grad school, I was assigned to read parts of the book Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Chambers.  It’s a compact book about biblical principles of leadership that challenges, inspires, and encourages.  Because the content was originally a series of lectures, the book retained the feel of the spoken word, which I really liked.

One of my favorite sections of the book was Chapter 13—“The Leader and Reading.”  At the church where I work, serve, and worship, we place a high value on learning because we are taught that “all leaders are learners” and that effective leadership flows from a well-rounded, full life.  It’s important for leaders to stay fresh and be knowledgeable about the world in which they live, and one of the easiest ways to do that is by developing the habit of reading.

 

As a bibliophile, I was drawn to this chapter for deeper insight on how spiritual leadership and reading are connected.  Many of us claim to have no time for reading, but if one works 40 hours a week and sleeps 8 hours a night, that leaves 72 hours a week of “free” time!  Yet, less than 10% of the population reads regularly.  The leader who desires to grow spiritually and intellectually will devote time to reading.  John Wesley was a passionate reader, mostly devouring books propped in the pommel of his saddle as he rode horseback up to ninety miles a day!

 

The chapter encouraged the reader to read books, but to choose books that “spark our impulse to service and lead us to God.”  Books should also be read for intellectual growth, to cultivate one’s preaching and writing style, and to acquire new information.  Leaders should choose reading material that will “feed the soul and stimulate the mind.”  I appreciated that the importance of reading was recognized, but I think the value of fiction and literature was diminished by barely mentioning those genres and implying that more scholarly works are the ones that “lead us to God,” like historical works, biographies, and science.  The point is to choose books and materials wisely and for their spiritual benefit, but I believe that I have found books to be spiritually beneficial that are not overtly Christian or didactic.  Still, the chapter encouraged me to continue my pursuit to be an active reader while challenging my book choices.  I have decided to alternate reading my beloved fiction novels with other kinds of books.

 

Reading 30 minutes every day is the equivalent of reading a book a week, four books a month, about 50 books a year, and 500 books in 10 years.  If you were to read 500 books over the next 10 years, in a world where the average person reads less than a book a year, don’t you think it could give you a decisive advantage as you lead others?

 

It is easy to see why Spiritual Leadership is considered a classic study of the biblical principles of godly leadership.  God has given every Christian gifts and talents that fit the mission to which they were called, and what distinguishes a great leader is the degree to which they develop those gifts.  I found this book to be not only useful as I continue developing as a leader, but inspiring as well.

The Blog is Back in Town

So it’s been over a year since I last blogged.  That's embarrassing.  And although I hate blogspot and don’t know how to format anything and feel so totally unhip with this outdated blog, I really miss it!  Writing and blogging allow me to do so much—reflect on what I’m learning, document my life, challenge my writing skills, and encourage my transparency.  And to just be my funny and charming self, of course.

I could try to update you on my life since I last blogged in several posts, but that would be too hard.  Instead, I’ll just tell you in a few sentences—I turned 30, got engaged, was laid off, got my Master’s degree, have an awesome new job, and am planning our wedding.  It’s been one of the hardest years of my life, with some of the most exciting and most wonderful things sprinkled in.  Aside from those major life-changing events, not much else happened :)

 

Now that we’re up to speed…just know, I’m back in blogging action.

My Hate Affair with Sushi

I will never pretend that I have a refined palate.  I love chocolate-covered gummy bears, still order Happy Meals, and always get the same thing at any given restaurant.  I'm a wannabe foodie, though.  I love the idea of gourmet food (chipotle aioli on the side, please) that leans toward the exotic (what is "wild" duck, anyway? Do they wear leather jackets?), and trying new things (kinda).  But the sad fact is...I'm generally disappointed when I deviate from my food comfort zone.


One food I truly hate is sushi.  The first time I tried it was because a boy I liked in college wanted to get sushi, so of course I was super enthusiastic about trying it ("I've always wanted to try sushi!" = lie), and I wanted so much to like it.  Buuut...I hated it.  Everything about it.


This is the part of the story where anyone who can't believe I would hate something as wonderful as raw fish wrapped in seaweed says, "Well, what KIND did you try? You probably just didn't go to the right place and order the right thing."  Trust me...I have tried enough types on several occassions, paid enough money, and felt gross enough post-meal to know FOR SURE that sushi is not my cup of green tea.  For a while, I kind of wished I did like it.  Boyfriend loves it, and I just eat my weight in edamamie when we go out.  Plus, it's got a cache to it.  I get it...sushi is hip.  And it's undeniably pretty.  But I still hate it.


I hate the temperature.  I hate the smell.  I hate the texture.  I hate the taste. 


And I will never eat it again.


So...does anyone want to go to Rainforest Cafe tonight?

The Most Traveled Person in the World

I love documenting my life. I'm constantly collecting and checking things off lists, creating stats out of anything (like how many books I read or movies I see in a year), doing yearly inventories (like my annual blog surveys), making bucket lists (like this one), all that stuff. But some people take that to the extreme...like Bill Altaffer.

I recently read an article about the battle to become the world's most traveled person.  It sounds like Bill Altaffer is that person. Altaffer and I have something in common, apparently—we both enjoy documenting our lives. Since starting his adventures in 1949, he has surfed every continent, visited both poles, crossed the equator 50 times, held 12 passports, and has been declared the world's most traveled man. This dude has been to every country in the world, plus 300 island groups, disputed areas, territories, and colonies...what?!

I wonder what it's like to be the person in the room who's been to more places than anyone else...all the time. The stories he could tell...the smells he's smelled, the food he's tasted, the places he's slept, the sunsets he's seen and the people he's befriended...I can't imagine!

I might not be the most traveled person in the world, but maybe I can shoot for the Travelers' Century Club (TCC), an association for travelers who have visited 100 countries. (In 1960, the TCC had 43 qualifying members; today, there are more than 1,800.)

The coveted title of “world's most traveled man” is always in dispute and difficult to measure. What about Charles Velay, the youngest person to hit every country on the TCC list? Or Emilio Scotto, who's traveled the world on his motorcycle—twice; or Jeff Shea, who has not only been to every country, but climbed the seven summits? The problem in this weird world of competitive globe-trotting is that lists of territories don't always match up, plus it's difficult to prove who's been where. And if you're jumping off a plane to bop around a country for five minutes to say you've “been” there, and then hopping back on the plane to the next place...who cares, right?

The article (I wish I still had it for reference…it was from GQ years ago) also included the top 4 hardest places on earth to get to. They are:

1.            The Paracel Islands—an archipelago seized by China from Vietnam in 1974, it remains off-limits to foreigners (particularly U.S. spy planes—one was intercepted in 2001).

2.            British Indian Ocean Territory—55 islands and site of a join U.S./U.K. Military and Global Positioning System base.

3.            Bouvet Island—an ice-bound volcanic rock located 1,000 miles from Antarctica, called the most remote land on Earth.

4.            Nicobar Islands—Foreigners have not been allowed since India was founded due to Indian military installations and untouched primitive tribes. Even after the 2004 tsunami, foreign aid workers weren't allowed in.

There you have it, folks. Brush the dust off those passports and get traveling...good luck!

George Gray

I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me --
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire --
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

--Edgar Lee Masters

Come to Me

Come to Me when you are weak and weary.  Rest snugly in my everlasting arms.  I do not despise your weakness, My child.  Actually, it draws Me closer to you, because weakness stirs up My compassion--My yearning to help.  Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.

Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease.  Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy.  I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My Presence.  Accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant Light.  Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless you richly through it.

Isaiah 42:3; Isaiah 54:10; Romans 8:26

This is from a torn-out page that a friend handed to me during a season of exhaustion last year...a season of exhaustion and frustration.  I happened upon this page tonight as I was organizing my room, and am so thankful I stumbled upon it.  I hate feeling weak, tired, and weary.  But I know where I can find safety, refuge, and rest.

30 For 30 Remix, Day 29: This Necklace...

 Flats: GAP, jeggings: Old Navy, tunic: Anthropologie, sweater: The Limited, bag: Coach, necklace and bracelet: H&M, shades: Ray-Ban.

This necklace...I can't even.

All That Glitters...

A few weeks ago, I met up with a friend at a play and she was wearing these adorable gold flats from Nine West.  I'm pretty sure I looked at her shoes more than her face when we grabbed coffees after.  But when I found these babies online, they were $70.  Womp, womp. 

BUT...then...I found these at Payless for $16.  That's how it's done, people.  I mean, the glitter's probably going to fall off after about three wears, but still.  I got what I wanted.

 

Lesson learned--shop around.  You can find it cheaper.  (Yes, you can...)

This Happened

A year ago today, I met Tina Fey at a book signing in Los Angeles.
Oh yeah, Steve Martin was there, too. No big deal.

If you're unaware, I just want to confirm that these two humans are extremely hilarious. We very much enjoyed listening to them shoot the breeze for an evening.

After their talk, we stood in line to meet Tina and get our copies of Bossypants signed. (Bossypants is hilarious; you should read it.)

This is us in line.

This is Kylie. Kylie is the biggest Tina Fey fan on the planet. This is what she looks like when you mention the name Tina Fey.

Happy Tina Feynaversary, Kylie.

30 For 30 Remix, Day 28: Tweaked

Flats: GAP, denim: J Brand, shirt and blazer: Forever 21, bag and scarf: Coach, bracelets: Tiffany & Co./Old Navy/Forever 21, ring: Stella & Dot.So...I'm kinda wearing what I wore yesterday. Is that cheating? I hope not. This is a remix, after all, and technically, this is a different outfit! It's amazing what a little tweaking can do to change up a look. I replaced the military jacket with a blazer (I love this blazer!) and silk scarf, and the coral flats for black ones. A black shirt and denim is a pretty basic platform to jump-start tons of different looks...and a pretty scarf and blazer can dress up almost any look, too!

Two more days!!!

30 For 30 Remix, Day 27: Basic

Flats: Nine West, denim: J Brand, shirt and jacket: Forever 21, shades: Ray-Ban, bag: LV, necklace and neon bracelet: J. Crew, silver bracelet: Tiffany & Co.

Only three more days of remixing!

30 For 30 Remix, Day 26: Prints

Flats: GAP, skirt: J. Crew, top: The Limited, shades: Ray-Ban, tote: Marc Jacobs, necklace: Forever 21, bracelet: Tiffany & Co., belt: Target.

I like the combination of stripes and floral print, but unfortunately I think the top is a little too billowy paired with a swingy skirt like this one. A fitted striped top would have done the trick. But, alas, it's a remix, and I'm working with what I'm working with!

30 For 30 Remix, Day 25: Blues

Scarf and heels: Coach, bag: Jason Wu for Target, skirt: J. Crew (now on sale!), sweater and shades: The Limited, bracelets: J. Crew/Tiffany & Co.

And the remix is still going...

Update!

For MONTHS, I have felt sick on-and-off with headaches and stomach issues and cramping, sometimes bad enough to force me to miss a meeting or class. Things were not normal, to say the least. I was pretty sure the problem was diet-related, but since my palette is as refined as a picky five-year-old's, it was tough trying to figure out what type of bland food would have such an adverse effect on my body. I just don't really eat hostile food...what was the deal?!

I did a little detox on my poor body--minimal amounts of gluten/dairy/sugar, nothing greasy or fatty, no coffee or caffeine (yeah, I almost died), and no artificial sweeteners. Then, I figured it out. The last three times I felt the most sick were times I drank iced tea...with Splenda. It's Splenda, guys. Splenda makes me terribly sick.

I haven't had Splenda or any artificial sweeteners in over a month and I have had virtually no stomach issues and no headaches! The weird thing is that I didn't even consume that much Splenda before. It only took 3 packets in a whole day to feel horrible.

Since this discovery, I have been more conscious about what I eat and drink across the board. Splenda was the big culprit, but I've realized my stomach is sensitive to certain foods. It's not about losing weight or dieting or anything like that...it's just to feel normal and healthy, and it's what I need to do now. I'm not a crazy strict health nut or anything, but I have cut a lot of unhealthy stuff out of my diet, drink tons of water, and even drink less Starbucks and caffeine. And my Diet Coke drinking days are over...forever. No more artificial sweeteners!

So there you go...my near-death experience from sucralose.

Switching gears...sorry for the dearth of blogging and complete dropping-the-ball on the remix (and with only six outfits left! Shame!) These things will be remedied immediately!

Watchmen

Have you ever sung that upbeat worship song that goes, "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord." I remember standing in church one time not singing along to it, just standing there stiff as a board while everyone around me was worshipping and I was just clenching my teeth.

Sometimes, I'm just not very good at waiting on God. Like being stuck in rush hour traffic, it just seems so...unproductive. I like to get things done. I like checking things off my to-do lists. I don't like the feeling of being stagnant or passive. In this ready-made, insta-everything, 30 minutes or less world, who wants to wait for anything?!

But I was thinking today about Psalm 130: 5-6...

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Watchmen wait with anticipation. Theirs isn't a passive waiting...it is active and expectant and hopeful. No matter how many hours of darkness, they know from experience that the morning will always come. As they wait for the sun to burst onto the horizon to signal the end of their watch, so are we to wait for God.

I'm reading a book that's all about practicing solitude and being silent in God's presence, called Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God's Transforming Presence by Ruth Haley Barton, and it's really challenging me. I've realized how impatient I can be. Part of it is because I don't like waiting. I want results. I want resolution. I want answers. I want progress. And I want it asap. I want it now. I want it immediately....

But realizing that waiting on God is an active, engaging activity is a concept I'm constantly being taken back to. Like a watchman, I want my eyes to be practiced at recognizing that first ray of light in the morning sky. I want my whole being to strain to catch that first glimpse of God. I want to position my heart in a way that is ready to encounter him, that is longing and alert and aware of him.

I wait for the LORD, my whole soul yearns and waits...more than watchmen wait for the morning...more than watchmen wait for the morning.

30 For 30 Remix, Day 24: Red Lipstick

Flats and top: GAP, cardigan: Forever 21, bag: LV, jeggings: Old Navy, pearls and shades: The Limited, earrings: Nordstrom, red cream lip stain: Sephora brand.

Red lipstick is terrifying. How did no one prepare me for this? I have only worn lip color this bold in the safety of my own home. But in front of people? Yikes. Existing in a perpetual state of fear during pleasant exchanges with people that require smiling or, like, talking, is no way to live. I'm afraid that the red stain has smeared all over my teeth, creating the effect that I have just eaten roadkill. Not. Cute.

However, it photographs well, doesn't it? And for the purposes of my blog, that's what really matters. My friend said I looked "very Chanel" today, so I'll just cross that off my list of life goals. Still, I am not totally on board with red lips. What about you?

30 For 30 Remix, Day 23: Plaid to the Bone

Shoes: Sperrys, denim: Anthropologie, shirt: J. Crew, jacket and scarf: Forever 21, necklace and bracelet: Tiffany & Co., ring: from Ireland, shades: Ray-Ban.So...plaid on plaid...I like it. A lot. What do you think? Too Christmasy? Too plaid-y? The remix is almost over and I'm trying to get a little creative. I found this photo on pinterest and was inspired.

7 days left!!!