I'm Melting

For those of you who have not been following my string of cranky tweets lately and might not understand my disdain for this diabolical heat, let me be crystal clear: I hate hot weather. The heat sucks my will to do anything right out of me. I get fussy, restless, and whiny.

I hate having to straighten my hair with a 400 degree iron when it’s 100 degrees in my room. I hate that I can’t touch my seatbelt without getting burned. I hate having to wipe off my sweat-stache while I’m putting on makeup. I hate that the ice cubes in my latte virtually melt from Starbucks to my car. I hate that my shower is negated ten seconds after the fact because I’m already sweating again. I mean, I can’t even wear my snuggie when I’m reading anymore!

I grew up in Southern California swimming every day, hitting the beach four times a week, and lifeguarding as a teen. For a long time, I had a respectable tan and that chlorine sheen to my hair. I was a real California Gurl, Katy Perry…West Coast, represent!

But those days are over. Long ago are the carefree days of basking in the cancerous sun for hours at a time, when premature wrinkles and melanoma were only fleeting thoughts. Gone are the days of laissez-faire summer hair, when a headband was enough to make a bushy bushy blonde hairdo cute. And the days of daisy dukes and bikinis on top? Oh wait...they never even happened. (And for the record, I DO mind sand in my stilettos! Er, at least I would if I wore them!)

My style is now daily moisturizer with SPF 30, dark wash jeans—no matter how hot it is (dude, they're slimming), cardigans every day, ballet flats, and straightened hair. The uniform is on lock, Katy…even in the summer. Heck, I almost wore a scarf last week.

Doesn’t the thought of a crisp fall night, snuggling in a blanket with an amazing book, drinking a hot pumpkin spice latte sound so much better than sweating your butt off at a beach bonfire and smelling like smoke for the next three days even though you washed your hair—twice? Yeah, that’s what I thought!

Take heart, friends…only sixty-five days until FALL!