Minus Five

Allison posted this a little while ago on her blog. I would first like to echo her disdain for the period in the graphic where a comma should be. Anyway, I had to think about my answers for a bit.

This is what I'd tell my 21-year-old self:

1. Quit worrying so much.

2. Kill that brutal lack of confidence in yourself now.

3. There will never, ever be enough room for all your books, no matter how many shelves you buy or how much room you make.

What would you tell yourself five years ago?

Not to be macabre, but...

I would love for these words to be on my gravestone. I think they're so beautiful.

The untold want by life and land ne'er granted

Now Voyager, sail thou forth to seek and find.

--Walt Whitman (Leaves of Grass)

Fur Sure

I saw my poor, neglected Uggs in my closet the other day, pushed toward the back wall by a pile of worn-out Rainbows and rubber flippie-floppies that have reigned as go-to footwear for far too long.

I hope my Uggs will not hold a grudge for my disregard. I hope they know how much my feet long for them and are aching to wear them. I hope they understand it's nothing personal...it's not my fault they have been gathering dust in the bowels of my closet.

I hope they know their time is coming soon...

I'm a loser, baby...

My small group is participating in our own 2009 Biggest Loser Challenge…but it’s a little different than the TV show. (We are not working out six hours a day while scary trainers yell at us, eating nothing, and losing hundreds of pounds in three months.)

Here’s how it works:

1. Each of us is creating a healthy and realistic fitness goal…one that we believe we can achieve between October 1 and December 30. (For example: losing a specific amount of weight, working out a specific amount of time each week, bench pressing X amount of pounds, swimming x amount of laps, etc.)

2. We are breaking that goal down into a monthly goal. (Lose 5 lbs by Nov 1, work up to 45 minutes of running, etc.)

3. We are sending our long-term and monthly goals to all participants (which is our small group).

4. Each of us is pairing up with an accountability partner (of the same sex), whom we will report to on a weekly basis in order to stay on track.

5. At the end of each month, we will report to all participants on whether or not we reached our goal.

My goal is pretty simple: Work out three times a week. I’m the most inconsistent exerciser ever. So…wish me luck!!

Decision Made

This is the inspiration for my Halloween costume. Just wait...


Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town...and all that jazz...

Believing Your Beliefs and Doubting Your Doubts

Doubt requires more courage than conviction does, and more energy; because conviction is a resting place and doubt is infinite-it's a passionate exercise. -From the play "Doubt" by John Patrick Shanley

I was talking with a college student on Thursday night who thought God was going to condemn him because he had doubts about God's character. I told him that God loves him so much and he will honor this student's seeking out answers to those doubts and will reveal his character to him as he keeps seeking it...because the truth of God can--and will always--stand up to any of our doubt, confusion, and investigating. I believe that our doubt, when explored, will essentially bring us closer to God, unless we let it fester in our hearts and allow it to consume and control us without doing anything about it.

The first Bible verse I ever memorized (before I even believed the Bible) was Mark 9:24--"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." What I'm wondering is...how do doubt and faith interact? Is it possible that doubt is the essence of faith and not faith's opposite? Is faith really faith without room for doubt? I am not saying that I doubt God's power or existence. But I know that sometimes we have to choose to believe in him during times of hopelessness, suffering, helplessness, confusion, apathy, loss, or pain when it doesn't make sense to us...Paul says God is a mystery, and I don't think we'll ever fully understand him in this life.

Below is one of my favorite paintings by the Italian Baroque master Caravaggio. It is of Doubting Thomas, who did not believe that Jesus had been resurrected until he felt his wounds. Look at the face of Thomas in the instant that he believes! All doubt he once had has now truly been obliterated. And look at Jesus. Look at his kind and understanding face. Look at how tenderly and patiently he holds Thomas's hand, the way a father holds a child's. He wanted Thomas to believe, even though Thomas needed proof first. Jesus says that blessed are those who have not seen, and yet have believed. What does that mean?

What no person has a right to is to delude others into the belief that faith is something of no great significance, or that it is an easy matter, whereas it is the greatest and most difficult of all things. -Kierkegaard

Not the least of my problems is that I can hardly even imagine what kind of an experience a genuine, self-authenticating religious experience would be. Without somehow destroying me in the process, how could God reveal himself in a way that would leave no room for doubt? If there were no room for doubt, there would be no room for me. -Frederick Buechner

Thoughts??

Five

Oh, hey there. Please forgive my dearth of blogging this month. I’ve been busy. And by “busy,” I mean I’ve been watching stupid (read: so entertaining!) time- and life-sucking TV on DVD—Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl. I’m not necessarily proud of all of those counterproductive hours of TV viewing. But dang, it’s been fun.

Some things on my mind:

1. I hate computers and will forever shun technology when possible. Yes, I blog, facebook, text, and twitter, but I will always have a tough time and be annoyed at having to do anything beyond the basics. Uploading the newest version of iTunes? Installing FlashPlayer? What? Tech products are pricey, everything is out-of-date in ten seconds, and computer stuff is over my head. I want a typewriter. I don’t need an iPhone.

2. I miss Europe. I love Europe. I’m starving for art and history and antiquity in a country that is culturally bankrupt. (See: Kanye West, Lady Gaga’s wardrobe, Grey’s Anatomy, Gossip Girl. Joking on those last two…) I can’t wait to make my friend take thirty-four pictures of me crossing Abbey Road again, say hello to Mona Lisa and ask if she remembers me (oh, yes, audibly), and rub the dirt of the Coliseum floor between my hands…someday soon, I hope...

3. Fall is creeping up on us. At church this weekend, my friend David asked, “Are you excited about fall? You look like a fall person.” YES, yes David, I am. I wear sweater vests, jeans, and scarves in summer. Clearly, I am a fall person. Pumpkin spice at Starbucks and cool nights are already here, restoring my soul from a brutally long, hot summer. I can’t wait for colder weather, hot chai, award-season films, and the holidays.

4. Speaking of holidays, I’m torn over what to be for Halloween. Something literary, for sure: I’m just debating between a pretty Gatsby flapper or Alex from A Clockwork Orange. I think the latter would be cooler and I would be able to pull it off, but don’t know if people would “get” it. Suggestions?

5. I’m excited to see a bunch of musicals before the end of the year: Rent, Spring Awakening, Mary Poppins, Spamalot, A Christmas Carol, and Xanadu, which is a musical I know nothing about except that a roller disco is involved—it can’t not be great, right? By the way, have you noticed that musicals and musical theater have been making a comeback this year? (Hugh Jackman hosting the Oscars, Glee, Fame the movie…) I’m down.

I’ve lacked inspiration to write anything of substance this month…so far. It must be all of that mind-rotting TV. But more posts are coming soon!