Inner Monologue

If I had been nominated for a Golden Globe tonight (for best original screenplay, obviously)...I am sure the following thoughts would have gone through my mind at some point in the evening:

Is my hair frizzing out?

Wait, what is our governor doing here?

Thanks a lot, Mo'Nique...now my mascara's going to be smudged for the entire rest of the night.

Take little bites. You never know when the camera is going to turn on you.

Amy Adams is just the cutest little nugget of a pregnant woman on the planet.

Who gets these centerpieces after? Like, could I take one?

OMG...Robert Downey Jr.'s sitting at the table next to me. Be cool, Lisa, be cool...

Quentin Tarantino creeps me out. Must not make eye contact with him.

I hope Mickey Rourke never changes. Ever.

Don't go to the bathroom...you'll miss something funny or important.

I wonder if Jesse James remembers me from that one time we ran into each other in a Russian submarine in San Diego. Or if Kevin Bacon remembers me when I met him at the Coach House after seeing the Bacon Brothers. I bet they do.

I'm so glad Christoph Waltz won. Not really sure what he said up there though; I hope he works on his Oscar acceptance speech. He will win the Oscar, after all.

Chloe Sevigny--what was she thinking? I appreciate her courageous fashion efforts, but...yikes.

If I win, how do I get to the stage? Do I take the most direct way? Or do I take the way that passes Sir Paul McCartney? Must strategize quickly...

Where is Sam Worthington and how do I get him to notice me? I didn't learn to say “Kaltxì. Ngaru lu fpom srak?” for nothing.

What...what? They called my name? I won?! Oh....gotta go!!

Greyt TV

It wasn't long ago that I was unable to hold my own in a conversation about any currently popular television shows. My water cooler chatter was mostly about, well, why there was no ice in the soda machine. But in 2009, that changed. In fact, I’ll be the first to admit that one of the reasons I didn’t read as much last year was because I got caught up in some really great TV shows. And the one that I loved most was Grey’s Anatomy.

Now, if you don't watch TV, that's fine; I know there are legitimate reasons for it. (I once gave lame excuses myself.) But let me tell those of you who say with that Air of Snobbery that you “don’t watch TV,” or even better, that you “don’t have time to watch TV,” as though you live a more meaningful, busy, and important life than the rest of us—you’re totally missing out. Many fellow bibliophiles deliberately try to distance themselves from the Common Man's form of entertainment--the boob tube--but I can tell you with confidence, kindred spirits, that if you like reading, you’ll like some TV. Although soaps and sitcoms will never replace our first love--literature--there are plenty of amazing shows out there that provide what we're looking for in books—adventure, drama, wit, history, romance, heroes and heroines, humor, mystery, intrigue, escape, and of course, hot doctors with incredible hair. A great TV show includes a compelling narrative with dynamic characters that’s told in a unique, captivating, entertaining way. Like Grey’s Anatomy.

I can watch episode after episode of this show (which I am not necessarily saying is a healthy lifestyle choice). I love the characters and could talk about any of them like I know them in real life. I almost feel like they really are my friends. (We’ve been through so much together, after all.) And the patients—I mourn their deaths almost as though they’re real people...people I knew. I cry with them as they beat cancer or get transplants. I’m scared for them as they discover that a tumor has spread or they receive a scary diagnosis.

And then I laugh at myself for watching TV for hours, often wrapped in a pink snuggie, free-flowing tears streaming down my face, completely distraught and consumed after each episode. The drama, heartbreak, humor, and characters captivate me...every time.

And now that I have a Netflix subscription, I can discover even more shows in 2010...any suggestions?

Where's the remote?!

MTV Reality Bites

I just watched the series premiere of the MTV reality show "College Life," about four college freshmen who are taping their lives for the world to see. Here are my impressions, if you will, from the first episode:

One student said he wanted to make his mom proud by passing his classes with C's. Really? I mean, I know he's drinking away his brain cells (and vocabulary--every other word out of his mouth is bleeped) and wouldn't expect straight-A's from the guy, but seriously...excelling at mediocrity is not excelling. Mom, up your standards and hope your son does the same.

I'm so glad I never lived in a dorm. I'm an introvert to the core, and while I'm not a neat freak, I hate my clothes and stuff mixing with other people's. Peace, quiet, and sleep? I'm a huge fan of all three. I don't think I would have survived college in a dorm--at least not with any friends.

A girl got drunk and had a hissy-fit about something, probably a boy (I mean, what else do we get upset about?). The only thing humorous about it was that while in her inebriated stupor, she still remembered and used SAT words like "belligerent."

Quote of the night: "College is so not fun because you have to study, like, every five seconds." Did you just picture me rolling my eyes? Girlfriend, thank your lucky stars that you have the means and opportunities for such an education, study your butt off (it won't kill you--I promise), and take full advantage of everything that school has to offer.

Judging from the series trailer, it doesn't look like self-respect, education, and smart decision-making are high priorities for these students. But I'm probably not going to watch the rest of the show to find out.

Why I Love Veronica Mars

Her friends say, "earth to Mars" when she's not paying attention. (Or should I say, when she's spacing out?)

Her hair always, ALWAYS looks good.

She doesn't put up with crap from anyone, especially guys.

Her relationship with her dad is as envious a parent-kid duo as the Gilmore Girls'.

She's a detective! How cool is that? She has a huge camera and spy tools, and even a Taser! She knows people's secrets and can find dirt on them without breaking a sweat.

She's smart. Really smart.

Just as important as the hair, she's almost always wearing lip gloss. Girl's got her priorities straight, even when in peril.

She fixes her own car, a skill I greatly admire (and will most likely always lack).

Latin phrases roll off her tongue, as if it's a normal part of the average high-schooler's vernacular.

Oh, I love her...

OMG, 24's on Tonight! (Oh, Wait...I Don't Care.)

I used to think I had a handle on pop culture, but as I’ve been reading more blogs and having more conversations about entertainment-related issues with people, I’ve come to discover that I’m just not hip to the scene anymore. (Well, besides the tween girl scene…I can totally hold my own in a conversation about the Jonas Brothers, Twilight, or High School Musical…) I especially lack a general knowledge of television shows. Here's some proof...I have seen:

2 episodes of FRIENDS, ever. On trans-Atlantic flights.

Maybe 5 episodes of The Office.

2 episodes of 24. I thought they were completely forgettable.

1 episode of 30 Rock.

I wasn't even aware of my ignorance of pop culture until I looked at others around me and realized how cool, smart, funny, and culturally relevant they are. Many of them work in ministry or with young people; they’re connected, they know what’s up, and they dictate what’s cool. Sure, when I was younger, I was the pop culture guru in my geometry class and my Girl Scout troop, and I could definitely tell you what was going on…but now, I am never asked questions about pop culture, and definitely couldn't contribute to a conversation about most television shows.

And even though I am usually out and about in the evenings, TV-on-DVD has now voided my excuse of, “I’m not home on Thursdays, so I can’t watch The Office.” I can watch whatever show I want, any time. Is there any excuse for not watching How I Met Your Mother, Mad Men, Dexter, Gossip Girl, House, Pushing Daisies, or any other incredible show that dominates the water cooler chatter these days?

All this to be said, I think I actually want to watch some more TV this year. I’m sure this is the opposite goal of many couch potatoes of 2008. But what a book-lover like me has in common with a TV junkie is that we love a good story. A good story…told well. Like LOST, for example...the only show that I do watch. And I know there are some other shows out there…some that are worth my time.

If anyone has any of the above shows on DVD, would you help a television-watching-challenged girl out? (Except 24…I really don’t care about that one.)

No Reservations

I really, really like Anthony Bourdain.

He rubbed me the wrong way when I first watched No Reservations, his show on the Travel Channel. He came off as a pompous know-it-all. But then I realized…he does know it all. Well, at least all about the world of secret culinary delights, which he has been a part of for twenty-eight years.

Tony is not the sort of person I would immediately find endearing. His arrogance is apparent in his hoity gait, that obligatory I’m-too-cool-for-this-place leather jacket, and his sanctimonious tone. He’s cynical, hates vegetarians, and cusses.

So…why do I think he’s so….cool?!

It’s really the other stuff he does…the writing, cooking, and traveling. Tony eats weird stuff like fuzzy tofu and cobra hearts. He travels all over the world, seeking adventure, knowledge, and delicious experiences. He dines with gangsters in Russia, hunts with Ted Nugent, and drinks in nosedive bars with has-been rock stars in Detroit. He makes being a chef something that’s cool, manly…dangerous!

What, according to Tony, is the grossest thing he’s ever eaten?

Chicken McNuggets. =)

Watch No Reservations, Mondays at 10 on the Travel Channel.

Hammer Time!

Have you ever voted for a band on TRL? Come on, yes you have. Do you remember the very first episodes? No screaming fans. No fancy studio in Times Square. No Mariah Carey meltdowns. Just Carson Daly in a little black room with a TV next to him on a table, babbling about info on new artists and introducing them as their videos played? It was so great and I watched it every night to see who got the most votes. I voted a lot in the early days (For whom? Three blonde brothers from Tulsa, of course!).

I also watched Vh1’s Top 10 Countdown every weekend, hosted by A.J. Hammer. This was back when the Spice Girls ruled the world, and A.J. would always, without fail, ramble on and on about how Sporty Spice was his favorite Spice Girl. He would provide weird, personal information about her and just go on and on and on…seriously, his Spice Girls banter got real old, real fast, and became borderline-creepy.

One day I got online to vote, and in my e-mail, I wrote to Vh1, “What is up with A.J. talking about Sporty Spice all the time?! Seriously, get a life!” Kind of mean, but trust me; it was necessary.

The next week, there was a new host. NO more A.J. No more talk about Sporty.

Did I get A.J. Hammer fired?!

Honestly, I thought so. For years. So, it’s good to see that despite his obsession with Sporty, and his shirt color choices, and the fact that he was the spokesperson for the promotional tour of the Planet Hollywood board game, A.J. is currently hosting Showbiz Tonight. He even snagged an interview with Miley!

Way to go, A.J. Way to go.

Love and Lost

When you fall in love, you change. Things that were once important aren’t such a big deal. Relationships and friendships fall to the wayside. Deadlines and priorities just don’t carry the weight that they used to. Nothing else matters anymore.

When you fall in love……or when you’re hooked on a TV show.

I just started watching the first season of LOST. I’m about halfway through (don’t spoil anything for me, or I will be so mad). Honestly, I was skeptical about starting it. All I heard for years was “24! 24! Best show ever. I heart Jack Bauer! Hey, did you watch 24 last night? Blah blah blah.”

I watched 24. Entertaining, but no big deal. In fact, it’s completely forgettable.

And I was expecting to be let down by LOST as well. But I wasn’t.

Now, all I can think about is...

What happened to Jack’s dad’s body? Was it on the plane? Why wasn’t it in the coffin?

What is up with the French woman? Why wouldn’t she go back with Sayid? Where are “the others” on the island?

Why the heck are polar bears on a tropical island?

When are Kate and Jack going to hook up?

When are Kate and Sawyer going to hook up?

Why is Sawyer so cool when he is so detestable at the same time? (Oh wait, I know this answer. His hair and dimples.)

When is Shannon going to die? She is so annoying.

Where the heck did Ethan come from and what did he do to Claire that she can’t remember anything?

What is in the hatch that Locke and Boone found?

What is the deal with Locke? He is such a weirdo. What was the secret he told Walt? What are the little black and white stones for?

AHHHH…………