Things I Did Last Month But Was Too Lazy To Post About Until Now

Alright, so last month I actually did do a little more than just walk through a spider web. Here are some other things that happened. I…

Went to Red Hill Lutheran Church’s Good Friday service. I go every year with my best friend and love it. It’s such a different worship experience from what I am used to. You sing from hymn books, kneel to pray, and sit in pews. The priest wears a robe and the windows are made of beautiful stained glass. Every Good Friday, they recite the events in the Gospel of John leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus. After each reading, lights are dimmed until the death of Jesus, and the service ends in somber darkness. The only source of light in the dark little church is a candle symbolizing Jesus that a pastor walks out of the church. It is brought back in on Easter morning. The resurrection is so much more glorious when you remember that Jesus suffered and died and was in a tomb for three days. It was a great service.

Saw a naked man. Yep. You read that right. I saw a strange play called “Completeness,” making its world debut at the wonderful South Coast Repertory last month. I love SCR and see tons of plays there, but this might have been my least favorite. The play is a 21st-Century romantic comedy about two nerdy grad students, a molecular biologist and a computer scientist. Unfortunately, esoteric science talk was substituted for actual wit, I didn’t sympathize with either of the main characters, and there were "technical glitches" that were actually not glitches but part of the play, which I guess was supposed to be avant-garde, but just came off as gimmicky. Anyway, there was a scene where the two main characters sleep together, and they stripped down. Now, being an art history major, I’ve seen a lot of nudity in art and know that it has its place, but this was just unnecessary. Yikes.

Met Tina Fey! NO BIG DEAL! She is currently on a book tour promoting “Bossypants,” and did an interview at the Nokia Theater in L.A. with Steve Martin and then a book signing afterwards. And yes, she is just as sweet, funny, and charming as you think she is. Meeting her was a bit of a letdown because it was so quick and no photos were allowed, but still. I met Tina Fey. Yep.

Went to the fanciest buffet ever. On Easter, Boyfriend’s parents took us to brunch at the St. Regis in Monarch Beach. This buffet was so magnificent that I felt I should have trained or made a game plan beforehand. We were seated and given exceptional coffee and the best orange juice I’ve ever tasted. The buffet included an incredible dessert selection (my biggest regret was not starting there), a carving table, Indian food, Chinese food, an omelette station, pancake station, all kinds of salads and breads, fancy cheeses and fresh fruits, crepes, beautiful pastries, and tons of other food. I was floored. And my favorite part was the desserts, obvi. They had macaroons. Like, the same kind of macaroons I pay $2 each for at the Spectrum. I definitely shoved a few in my purse for later. (Don’t worry, I was discreet….keeping it classy.) It was incredible, incredible…

Slipped and fell on my butt in a restaurant. Remember when Tai from Clueless falls down the stairs coming into that dance party, and then says, “Now all night I’m going to be known as ‘that girl who fell on her butt.’”? Well…I literally lived that moment. At least four people asked me if I was okay, which I was, save for the humiliation that it caused my soul. This fall was epic. It was one of those scenes that was very cinematic, like slipping-on-a-banana-peel kind of falling. I'm pretty sure the music stopped and every head turned around. I’m just glad I’m not sixty and recovering from hip-replacement surgery right now.

So, yeah...that was last month. Good times, no?

Sorry, I'm Not Home Right Now...

The other day, I walked through a spider web as I left my house and headed to my car. I dropped my purse and started flailing my arms around and squealing; there's just no way you can attempt to free yourself from the grips of a virtually invisible web of death while keeping your grace and dignity intact. And it wasn't a peaceful, beautiful web inviting you in to admire the sparkling dew drops it caught that morning. No. It was sinister, formidable...it attacked me.

The worst part was that I couldn't find the spider afterward. I hope it didn't end up in my hair. Or my car. Or my purse. Hopefully it's not in my room now...making a web above my bed...

Oh, I hate spiders...

Do Your Homework!

Lisa Birle's Day Off

"The question isn't 'What are we going to do?' The question is 'What aren't we going to do?'"

Today, I had a much-needed day off. Here's what I did:

Hit the Chicago Stock Exchange
Made it to the Skydeck of the Sears Tower
Hung out at the Art Institute
Caught a fly ball at a Cubs game at Wrigley Field (I heard it was televised!)
Sang on a float in the Von Steuben parade

Oh, wait...wrong person. Sorry. Here's what I really did today:

Watched some Academy Award fashion-related news on E!
Finished writing an article
Went to Starbucks and read The Hunger Games
Cleaned my bathroom
Straightened up my room
Put away dishes
Folded clothes
Went through mail
Washed my hair
Took a quiz online about Catholic Reform for school
Did reading and homework for school

Nothing adventurous or exciting or extraordinary. I didn't put on makeup and wore pajamas most of the day. I woke up without an alarm clock and did everything slowly and without any sense of urgency. And I feel amazing--rested and refreshed and ready for the week. I've recently mentioned how I've been struggling with time management and feeling stressed lately. Sometimes I feel so busy that having time to do this kind of stuff feels like a complete luxury.

It's so nice to have time to catch up on the lame stuff sometimes. It helps me enjoy Life a litle bit more, to breathe a little bit easier.

Life moves pretty fast, you know, and if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it...

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Marc Jacobs handbags and Renaissance paintings
Stamps in my passport and old worn-in blue jeans
Perfume and fashion ads in magazines
These are a few of my favorite things

Jane Austen novels and hand-written love notes
Starbucks and Target and headbands with big bows
Friends who can make me smile through anything
These are a few of my favorite things

Paris and London and Berlin and Rome
Hitting all green lights when I’m driving home
The soft springtime sky and a warm golden breeze
These are a few of my favorite things

When the hair’s flat
When the sale ends
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

The Most Wanted Teenager in America

No, this isn’t about Justin Bieber. I’m talking about Colton Harris-Moore, a 19-year-old kid from Washington who has broken into nearly 100 homes throughout the Pacific Northwest…and is giving the FBI quite a headache. Think Frank Abagnale Jr.--the young crook who inspired the film “Catch Me if You Can”--but in 2010.

I first heard about this kid because he’s actually targeting my neighbors’ daughter and son-in-law! They live on Orcas Island in Washington, and Colton has broken into their house and stolen their food, cars, and even one of their planes. Sometimes he’ll break into a house just to eat some dessert or take a bubble bath. He’ll write taunting notes to the police and has also broken into a deputy’s car and stolen a rifle. T-shirts, a 20,000-fan facebook page, and now a four-page article in Maxim are turning this delinquent into a hero; his “fans” affectionately call him the “Barefoot Burglar,” because he once kicked off his shoes as he was being chased into the woods.

Frank Abagnale had a lucrative career with the FBI after he was caught and served about a four year sentence in American prison, but I’m not sure that Colton will meet the same benign fate. I guess we’ll see when…or if…he gets caught.

Goo Goo for Gaga

I really enjoy Lady Gaga as an entertainer.

I love her crazy makeup and fake eyelashes and weird wigs and tights and shoes and other things that she wears that could hardly be called clothing. I love that she values originality and theatrics and expression. I am entertained by the fact that she doesn't care that people question her sanity or talent. In interviews, she discusses her art so seriously, as though she is, as a performer, creating something important and noble for the world. Misguided though she is, she intrigues me. She's just ridiculous...everything about her. And...I kind of love it.

She never fails to entertain me. Deserved or not, she definitely has my attention...and I wonder what crazy thing she'll do next!

How'd You Get My Number?

Last night, while I was hanging out with the Jonas Brothers at the Staples Center with my pals Alana and Natalie (and thousands of hysterical 13-year-olds), I decided that I needed to text Erin because I needed some concert commentary. I knew she was there, but I didn't have her number.

So I just texted our mutual friend, Riley, for it.

When I texted Erin, I had to explain that I got her number from Riley, just so she didn't wonder.

Then I thought about it...and that's actually how I get most people's numbers...from other people. Which is kind of weird.

And totally convenient.

Anyone else?

(Note: The concert was amazing, just in case you were wondering.)

Death...and Life

Sometimes....infrequently…once in a while…I find myself in Walmart on a Saturday night, grabbing a box of movie candy, a DVD, a magazine, or something else just as frivolous but necessary for the instant gratification and entertainment that the evening requires.

And a Saturday night at Walmart is always so profoundly depressing. (Nothing against Walmart. I am not above shopping there. It’s just that depressing things about it are magnified on weekends after 9pm.) The fluorescent lights present the place with all the charm of a prison. The outdated pop songs being pumped into one’s ears create an eerie enough mood that one might wonder if they’re in a B-horror movie, their predator waiting for them in the parking lot to follow them home. The floors reek of generic hospital floor cleaner, as if vomit had just been cleaned up on aisle five. No smiley-faced sign indicating a price cut is met with a smile from me, for no bargain is worth being at Walmart on a Saturday night. And the people. “Have they nowhere else to go?” I wonder. But I cannot pass judgment. Although I feel like an outsider, I’m there, too, standing in the checkout line with the rest of them, feeling like a Death Eater is sucking my soul out of me. (Not to be dramatic or anything.)

Now, try to think of a place opposite this one. A place that is life-giving, engages one’s heart, hugs one’s soul as he enters its doors. Of course…the bookstore.

I went to a bookstore last night...and I felt so alive and happy. (No Death Eaters.) I loved hearing the coffee being made amidst the soft jazz music, and smelling the books, and thumbing through them, and looking at their covers. I felt a sense of belonging. I felt camaraderie among the anonymous kindred spirits around me, knowing that we could have interesting conversations. I heard novels saying, “Pick me!” Plays calling, “Lisa! Hi!” Collections of poems shouting, “Over here!” Never is my self-control at its weakest. I’d spend any Saturday sitting there with a coffee and a good story.

So, Walmart, next time I need some Junior Mints before my 10pm movie, can you just dim the lights a bit, play some jazz, throw some retro book cover posters on your walls, and smell like books and coffee? Because that would be really great for me…

Buy TOMS Shoes!

I had seen TOMS Shoes on the feet of Orange County's hipster college students for a while, but just thought they were another earth-friendly, trendy shoe on the market, and they didn't immediately spark my interest. Then a couple of weeks ago, I saw a feature story on CNBC about Blake Mycoskie, who founded TOMS. I learned that for every pair of shoes that is sold, the company donates a pair to a child in need.

Last week at Catalyst West, I had the privilege of meeting Blake and hearing all about TOMS...and it's incredible. Blake was actually on The Amazing Race and got to travel around the world with his sister on the show. His experience in Cape Town allowed him to see people living in extreme poverty for the first time.




After the show (he and his sister lost the $1 million prize by four minutes), Blake went to Argentina to travel, learn about the culture, and play polo, with no philanthropic agenda...but when he noticed all of the children there living without shoes, he wanted to do something about it.

I love that this incredible enterpreneur wasn't just sitting around thinking about how to make a million bucks. He saw a need in the world and thought about how he could meet that need. Blake is a Christian and is using the gifts, power, and influence that he's been given to make a huge difference in the world. I really admire him, and I can't wait to buy some TOMS Shoes!

Argentina's flag is on every TOMS shoe, so that they'll never forget where they started:

Buy TOMS Shoes here!

Things Students Do in a Four Hour Seminary Class

Play poker on facebook...with other people in class
Tetris (and when you're sitting behind someone playing it...it's mesmerizing)
Check the news
Watch a sports game
Work e-mails
Personal e-mails
Texting
Taking pictures on cell phones
Facebook and facebook chat (most popular)
Solitaire, freecell, and writing to-do lists (me)
Kitten Torpedo game
Family Feud online (Oh, Becka...)

Oh yeah...and note taking...sometimes

Ten Things I Love To Do

Get real mail--notes, postcards, letters. And I love writing them. I've been writing to pen pals and relatives for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I loved writing addresses on envelopes and using stickers and stamps. The whole process of mailing and receiving letters fascinated me.

Make people laugh. Especially people who I think are funny. If you can make someone like David Hughes laugh, then your humor has just been validated and you are unquestionably funny.

Wrap presents. Unfortunately, I'm not a stellar gift-giver and usually give gift cards, but I totally love wrapping presents...I'm like the Eminem of wrapping...

Pack for trips. I always type up a list and am super organized when I pack. And I never forget to bring anything on trips!

Write checks. I'm not a fan of paying bills, but I love writing checks, especially writing out the dollar amount. It makes me feel grown-up.

Pick people up from and drop them off at the airport. (Assuming it's John Wayne, of course.) If I really like you, you might even get candy, Starbucks, or a flower...

Get dressed up for something special, like a play. It's fun to feel fancy once in a while.

Go to dinner with just a friend or two. I am not a fan of dinner with huge parties. It's overwhelming, conversation suffers, and I hate splitting checks. But dinner with just a few friends is perfect.

Light a candle when I read. It makes me feel old-fashioned, and kind of classy, too.

Roll change. My parents have a change bucket and I count and roll all of their change when it's full; it's usually around a thousand dollars! I also love paying with exact change, even if it takes me five minutes to fish it out of my coin purse.

When I Was Your Age...

Do you ever think about the conversations that you might have with your future children? The questions they'll ask you? The stories they'll want to hear about you as a kid? Where you were when things happened: The Beijing Olympics, the O.J. Simpson trial, Obama's inauguration, 9/11, etc. If you saw this band in concert or that movie at the theater. And...do you wonder what your kids will think of you? Here's a very possible future conversation with my future kid (let's say her name's Scout):

Scout: Mom, it says here that Titanic was one of the highest-grossing movies of all time. Do you remember that movie?

Me: Oh of course! I loved that movie! I saw it six times in the theater!!

Scout: Wait, what? Six times? Why?

Me: I was kind of obsessed with it. The only reason I saw it the sixth time was because it was April 15th, the anniversary of the sinking. I also started an aol webpage for it and my first screen name was RoseDwson, after the main character. I even had a cookbook with recipes for the meals they served on the ship, and both soundtracks...I still have them if you want to listen to them, and...

Scout: Okay, I get it. You liked it.

Silence.

Scout: Mom...I don't mean to be rude, but...that's pretty nerdy.

Me: I know, honey. I know...

Cell, You Light

I am usually the last person to come home at night. Everyone is asleep. The house is dark and silent.

And instead of turning any lights on, I just pop open my cell phone and find my way around the house...and every time I do it, I think, "Huh, this is funny. I wonder if anyone else uses their cell phone as a flashlight regularly."

So...do you?

Just for one Afternoon...

...I would like to be reading an exciting book on a rock at a deserted beach, listening to the waves crashing and drinking in the salty air...

Life is busy right now, isn't it? This afternoon will have to wait...

A Mystery

This weekend I thought about something. Something important. Something that I couldn’t shake. Something that was plaguing me.

Why did a box of Hawaiian Host chocolate-covered macadamia nuts suddenly appear on our kitchen counter?

Did it belong to someone?

Was it a gift for someone?

Would anyone care if I ate half of its incredibly delicious contents?

Why was it unopened? Was it poison? If I tried opening it, would I suddenly be hanging by one foot upside-down from a rope?

Was this a trap?

In the Birle house, there really is no explanation for an unopened box of chocolate. I don't get it.

And it’s still there…

The Week in Pictures:

On Monday Jaime, Brian, Bekah, and I trekked to Garden Grove to the nearest Red Lobster for Shrimpfest. I was a bit nervous about this excursion since I am new to the shrimp-eating world (I'd only really had shrimp twice before, at PF Chang's and Boneheads), but we had a blast and ate a whole lot of shrimp (and cheddar biscuits!).

The coconut shrimp was my favorite.

Jaime and Brian wore the EXACT same thing...and I doubt it wasn't planned. I mean, I could understand two people wearing black shirts or something, but yellow shirts with navy blue v-neck sweaters? Darling.

Also this week, I met my new friend, Mac McGill. Mac is a giant baby, weighing almost eleven pounds. I could barely hold him he was so heavy. He's also very hairy. Mac is SUPER cute and I'm so excited for the McGills!

This week, I fell down the stairs in my house. I don't know how well you can see the gnarly bruise on my left arm, but yeah...let's just say if I was eighty years old I'd be having hip replacement surgery right about now.

OH, and in case you didn't hear about it this week, Jim Sonnenburg has a girlfriend. Yay!!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Joke Stealing? Really?

Have you ever repeated a joke that you first heard from a friend? Seems like a pretty benevolent action, right? Maybe even a flattering gesture, no? Well, what if your friend accused you of “stealing” his or her joke? How would you respond?

I think that jokes, unless written down and subject to copyright laws, are total public domain…once the words are released from one’s mouth, they are floating in the world, waiting to be consumed by the masses, who, let’s face it…in the state of this world, are hungry for laughter.

All I have to say to those of you who are selfish with your jokes is…don’t be stingy…let your humor feed the world…

Arthritis...the low down...

Last week there was an article in the Register about Joy Fawcett, who was part of the U.S.’s gold medal-winning Olympic soccer team in Athens. Fawcett is an O.C. wife and mother of three and was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2002. It’s an interesting article that you can read here.

The article said that, according to a survey of 1000 people with RA, two out of three felt that their family and friends underestimated the impact of the disease. I found that very interesting, but I understand why. RA is such an invisible disease. And most people don’t know anything about it. I think most people think it’s a boring old person disease. I didn’t know anything about it until I was diagnosed with it. Let me assure you, it’s definitely not boring! Many of my friends don’t even know the story, so here we go:

During my second year of college I slowly started developing pain in my wrists. First it was just my right wrist; I felt like I had fallen on it and it was sore, except I hadn’t fallen and it was sore for months! Then the same pain started in my left wrist and thumb. Soon, I was not able to move my hands in the mornings when I would wake up; they were so stiff that I could not bend them. My wrists felt like they were bound with duct tape! I had to run them under warm water in the mornings to loosen them up and had difficulty doing everyday tasks like holding a newspaper, pulling clothes out of my closet, brushing my hair, and turning the ignition on in my car. When this was at its worst, I could barely get through a day of school…my hands hurt so much that typing and writing were excruciating and I was so exhausted, I would come home, collapse into bed, and take a four-hour nap to get through a day. I had no energy, was in debilitating pain, and didn’t know why I felt so terrible all the time. I literally could barely function.

After being misdiagnosed for a summer with tendonitis in my hands and doing painful physical therapy, wearing braces on both my hands (not the hippest of fashion statements), enduring a painful cortisone shot directly into my wrist, and trying all sorts of medications (with no relief and only bad side effects), I was finally sent to a rheumatologist. My doctor ordered x-rays, blood tests, and a bone scan. After the results came in, he diagnosed me, at age 21, with rheumatoid arthritis. Yikes.

It took another year after a correct diagnosis to figure out what medication worked for me. I’ve probably taken every anti-inflammatory medication known to man, and two of them have actually been pulled from the shelves because the F.D.A. found them to be unsafe. I took a steroid drug that made me feel horrible, an anti-inflammatory drug that gave me 8-hour headaches, and a chemo drug that made me nauseated for weeks at a time. Nothing was working…

But once we figured out the magic formula, things turned around. I now take a couple of powerful medications, including one that I have to get through a 3-hour IV infusion every eight weeks. I also have to get my blood drawn regularly and get plenty of rest since these drugs suppress my immune system and I still struggle with bouts of fatigue. But really, you would never know I had RA unless I told you. There are some things I can't do, obviously, but I can type 100 words a minute, get through a day of work with very minimal discomfort, and swim four miles a week.

I’m not sharing this for you to pity me or anything. I feel better now than I have in years!! But isn’t this a crazy story? Arthritis is actually a really bizarre disease. There are over 100 types of arthritis, including gout (thanks, Jared Leto, for making gout cool.). RA affects more than 2 million Americans, mostly women. That’s about 1% of the U.S. population. There is no cure but you can treat symptoms and prevent future joint damage.

If you want to be in the know (and who wouldn’t?!) about RA, here’s an informative website.

Plaid to the Bone

I'm still not quite sure how it happened, but I ended up at the Scottish Festival at the O.C. Fairgrounds with Andrew on Saturday. And I'm still not sure if it was one of the coolest or nerdiest events I've ever been to. (I'm thinking it's both.) Anyway, it was TONS of fun! Here are just a few things you can do at the Scottish Festival:

See the band "Bad Haggis" in concert. They are awesome! Seriously!

Listen to beautiful harps.


Cringe at distasteful T-shirts.

Buy a sword.

Shoot arrows. (This was really fun!)

We were pretty good, if I do say so =)

Watch the caber toss...don't mess with these guys!

Get a picture with this guy...I have never seen so much plaid and so many kilts in MY ENTIRE LIFE! And I must say...kilts are HOT! Seriously, these guys really knew how to rock a kilt.

Watch a sheep herding demonstration (very entertaining).

Buy a kilt, obviously.

Listen to a cool drumline.

The Scottish Festival was great. I really wished that I played bagpipes or had a cool kilt or could do Scottish dancing or play the fiddle. Scots are awesome! I'll definitely be back here in 2009.