Red + Blue

My parents and I are going to see the play "The Color Purple" in a couple of weeks, so I thought I'd read the book before we go. And I found a great word...

"I see a wagon and a great big man in black holding a whip. We sure do thank you for your hospitality. She laugh again, look at the horses flicking flies off they rump. Horsepitality, she say. And I git it and laugh."

Horsepitality! Get it?! See what she did there?! Anyone who has hung out with me for more than five minutes knows how much I love combining words in ridiculous ways that are typically not very funny. Alice Walker won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction, by the way! This is great stuff!

Josh Treece, after hearing about this horsepitality business, came up with a few of his own new words...he's on his way to a Pulitzer as well...

If she had been losing her voice, it would have been hoarsepitality.

If she would have been hanging out with prostitutes, it would have been whorespitality.

If she had been eating chocolate, marshmallows, and grahams, it would have been smorespitality.

If she had been doing tasks to earn money from her parents, it would have been chorespitality.

If she had been narcoleptic, it would have been snorespitality.

Oh, Josh...you're funny.

Resourcefulness

I'm on vacation with my parents in Oregon, staying at their house on the coast. My grandpa drove down from Seattle to visit us. Grandpa Al is quite a character. I can't really describe him in a way that would do him justice; he's a fascinating man, smart and stubborn, wise but childish, strong but fragile. Instead, I will just tell you some of the things he told us while he was visiting.

First, when he checked into his hotel, he asked the receptionist if she was wearing an underwire bra. "Uh, yeah..." she said. "You should not wear these things when there is lightning. It could KILL you." My grandpa has a thick German accent, so hearing him say this was hilarious. And he was serious! Oh, Grandpa...always eager to help.

At dinner, Grandpa Al was telling us about how his neighbor had to get dental work done and it cost him $2000. "He's so stupid!" He told us. Turns out, part of my grandpa's tooth chipped off and he merely SUPER-GLUED it back, and it's been fine ever since. There you go. No wonder he thinks people who spend money for tooth repairs are idiots. Just buy some super glue. Bada bing.

This last story really tops it off...Washington is a much more environmentally-conscious state than California. You must recycle and they have very strict restrictions about how much trash you can throw out each week. They also charge you high fees to pick up old electronic equipment, like, oh, television sets.

So my grandpa had this old clunky TV for years and years, and it caused him a lot of grief. He told us that he finally bought a new Sony plasma TV and loves it. But...what did he do with the old one? How about DROPPING IT OFF THE BALCONY of his house so it shattered into a million pieces. Duh...common sense, right? All he had to do was put a little bit of the remains in the trash each week, and no one was the wiser. Extra fee? BAH. Take that, Washington State Waste Management!!

Can you imagine seeing your 82-year-old neighbor dropping a huge TV from his balcony? Oh, I can't stop smiling just thinking about it. So, there you go...some quick lessons on resourcefulness from Grandpa Al Birle.